The One Mistake
by RedRogue
Summary: [Malfoy POV of book 6] There was nothing I could do. Chang had seen me in the very moment. In so few words she instantly knew what inevitable mission lay before me... She can't blab, she can't talk me out of it, she can't love me like that... COMPLETE
1. My Secret Exposed

I was going to make this a one-shot, but couldn't resist continuing. I love Malfoy and his wonderfully awful disposition.

Now I know that this might not line up exactly with the latest book, the _Half Blood Prince_, since I only read the book once, but I am familiar with the rest of the books and I try my best. Apologies to all those Potter fans, I mean no disrespect. Here goes.

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**The One Mistake: **_Book 6 from Draco's POV_

**Chapter 1**

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There was nothing I could do. She had seen me. Chang had caught me, Malfoy, in the very moment. This had to be a new kind of idiot on my part, practicing my deadly spells in an abandoned girl's lavatory, so that any Jack or Jane could walk in just as she did that day. She came in for God knows why, gasping and dropping her books in the pools of water under her feet, after I mentioned the unnatural name of Dumbledore, and the killing curse. In so few words she instantly knew what I was planning now, what my mission was, what I had not volunteered for my future, but yet it laid before me inevitable. She didn't understand what was at stake for me, but what could she care? I was an evil person, and had worked hard to make people believe so.

Yet I felt afraid to confess her discovery to anyone else involved, for fear of her elimination for my bad planning. This was no conscience of mine, far from it, nor had I suddenly grown a sense of justice. Her sparing was purely a selfish whim of my own. Dare I say it: she had me intrigued. We now shared a common knowledge now, a bond, if you will. It was someone else who knew this secret that I was dying inside to tell.

Every day I passed her somewhere in those Hogwarts halls, and she would meet my eyes for a single moment, and for that second we shared a connection. Then she would yank her gaze away, most of the time with alarm in her expression, clutching her books close to her chest like they would protect her from me.

Ah, Chang. She must realize I hold her very life in my hands.

I knew she was itching to talk to me from then on, and fear held her back. Truth of the matter was, I was itching to talk to her too. And usually what I wanted, I got. Even if it meant by force.

Today was the day. I was going to corner her. I knew it. I had been trying for weeks, but she never seemed to go anywhere alone. Maybe that was on purpose.

Then on this day, my opportunity came. She excused herself for the bathroom, and after she left I excused myself as well. Pothead seemed suspicious, but let it go. He's been thinking twice about me ever since that incident on the train and that horrid invisibility cloak he got stuck under. I taught him a thing or two about spying.

I spotted her hurrying down the hall, her robes floating behind her in her rush. I broke into a jog to catch up with her, and she heard me coming. One fast look back was all she needed, then she broke into a sprint.

So I chased her through the halls, past the ghosts that warned there was no running, and into the courtyards. I didn't know where she was going, but I was definitely gaining on her.

Finally, near the half-giant's hut, I was able to grab at her hood, and she was jerked to a halt. I turned her around to face me and held her arms tightly so she couldn't wiggle free from my grasp. She was panting for loss of breath, and tears sprang to her eyes, and she was shaking her head in protest.

"Who have you told?" I demanded. I sounded harsher than I meant to, but then again, I usually did.

"I'm sorry!" she pleaded through her sobs. "Honest, I haven't told anyone! Please, let me go! I won't tell a soul! Please, don't hurt me, I beg of you!"

"How can I believe you? You're friends with that girl with the '_sneak_' branded on her forehead, aren't you? How do I know you aren't one too?"

"I haven't told a soul, you have to believe me! I won't ever; I swear it! I swear it on my life, please! Let me go!"

"That pledge is truer than you might think," I warned.

So I did let her go. I don't know why, but she didn't run again. I would have in her place. She just peered toward me, her brow furrowed, and her cat-like eyes staring at me curiously.

"Why?" she said at last. "What in the world would possess you to do such an evil thing, even you? How do you expect to--"

The half-giant's door opened then, with a loud creak. I couldn't answer her, even if I had wanted to. I simply turned and left the way I had come.

"S'there a problem out here, Ms. Chang?" the half-giant asked her, and I didn't hear her answer.

-

**Please Review… I would appreciate feedback. Thanks!**

**--RedRogue**


	2. Unwanted Pity

**Chapter 2**

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The days that followed were torture. The only thing I could think about was that stupid Ravenclaw girl: Potter's reject, widow to Diggory, and now single once more after a public blowout with Michael in the Great Hall. What was wrong with me? Did I really believe that she wouldn't blab? I couldn't be sure. It made me restless, fidgety, to the point that I was ready to curse and scream at the sky.

Or maybe I really did want someone to find out. Maybe if Dumbledore knew, then someone could stop me.

But I knew it wasn't an option. If that happened, my parents were done for, and most likely me too. A thought that would have made a man shudder, but I was immune to emotion. I was practiced at hiding what I truly felt. But don't be mistaken, my anger toward Potter doesn't mean I actually don't mind him as much as I say, nor is it a cry for help, or jealousy… Potter, my friend, is pure Malfoy fun. I hated that boy, and his goody-two-shoes ways. He thought he was so much better than anyone, and that stupid fool Weasley followed him around hoping to be cast in his famous shadow, or maybe hoping to nail a bit of the Potter fortune, the greedy cad.

And don't get me started on that Granger. I thought maybe that dirty-blood had smarts, the way she flaunts about acting like she knows everything, but seeing as she obviously likes that Weasley boy, I see now that she has none.

And Parkinson. Pansy Parkinson. What to say about her? She could kiss well, I'll grant her that. She's had practice. Not much else to say. She's there. She's a Slytherin. She and I made sense together, so we were.

But Chang. I hadn't assessed her before now. I will admit I had long fancied her for her good looks, and not many a man could say otherwise when it came to that one, but I can't say I saw much more.

But now she was my obsession, someone I stalked day to day, following her about, knowing everyone she talked to in that day. Sometimes I thought she noticed me, but she showed no real indication of this. I continued this for days, even weeks, if you will. I began to know things about her, where she liked to go in Hogsmeade, what she did most in her spare time, who she liked and disliked, (me being at the top of the 'dislike' list, I wagered). I'll even go as far to say I enjoyed watching her. But I had not forgotten the direness of the situation, so I decided to take action.

Finally, I'd had enough. I wrote her a letter, and slipped it in her potions book one day. In the letter, I instructed her to meet me at top of the East tower stairs at nightfall. With my spying skills I was able to witness her actually reading it. It was at dinner that night, and while her friends were talking, it slipped out. I purposely sat near her to eavesdrop.

"And Potter had all these notes in his potions book, they say," one of her friends babbled. "Everyone's stumped at why he suddenly decided to kick up his potions abilities, all of a sudden, but it's serving him well. Anyway, Cho, speaking of potions; I forgot to take notes in class today, could I borrow yours?"

"Sure, they're in my book."

I craned my ear to listen, and inconspicuously watched her take her book out and take out her notes. While her friend thanked her and continued talking to someone else, she found the letter and read.

"Another love note, Cho?" one giggled.

"Yeah," she lied, folding it and quickly putting it away. "Another one."

Then she turned to search the Slytherin table for me, and I quickly became preoccupied with my meal.

-

At the tower that night, I came at seven-thirty, and waited. Nightfall came at five, but I was held up by detention for hexing Longbottom's bottom to his chair in Transfiguration today. I rushed to the tower stairs, and conquered them hurriedly, but found no one there. It was dark, and very empty.

I was too late. I don't know why, but I was deeply disappointed, and cursed myself for getting caught and put in detention. If only McGonagall hadn't kept me so long… It was then I realized I didn't really know what I was planning to say anyway. Maybe it was best she didn't come.

When it was eight twenty-five, I began to give up. Maybe I had scared her away. It wasn't a thing uncommon; I fancied myself pretty intimidating.

But no, as soon as I began to descend the stairs, I saw her dark figure making her way up. Her hands were clenched together, and she looked wary. She definitely saw me too. For a while as she climbed I feared she would turn and run again. But she didn't. She walked all the way up the tower stairs to where I stood.

"Hello," she said quietly.

"You showed," I observed, but inside I was relieved.

She nodded her reply. We stared at each other for a moment in uncomfortable silence. I didn't want her thinking I was afraid of her in the least, so I broke it.

"I suppose you want to know why I called you h--"

"--I know why you called me here," she interrupted. I was taken aback, and a bit irritated, but recovered quickly.

"_Do_ you?"

"It's the same reason you've been following me."

She had noticed. So much for my spying skills.

"And what reason is that?" I pressed.

She bit her lip nervously.

"You're afraid I'll tell."

"_Afraid_?" I choked on the word. "Hardly. But I realize the seriousness of my mistake, so I follow up. Though, I am a little curious as to why you haven't told yet."

"I'll answer that, if you answer a question of mine."

"I'm not in the mood for deal-making, Chang."

She seemed disappointed.

"Although," I backtracked. "I _guess_ I can at least hear the question."

"Alright… I want to know… why? Why do want to do this to Dumbledore? What is motivating you?"

Her saying it out loud made me glance around to be sure we were still alone.

"Loyalty to Lord Voldemort," I hissed.

She winced at the name, but didn't seem convinced.

"You're father's a death-eater. Seems fitting he would have a death-eater son. You're so young for this…"

"Who asked you?" I snapped. "I sure as hell didn't."

"I'm sorry," she said, recoiling. I felt bad for upsetting her, for some odd reason.

We were silent again.

"I haven't told," she continued. "Because I don't want them to expel you, or put you in Azkaban. That's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone."

"At least I'd be with my father." I muttered.

"Is that why you're doing this?"

Blast. I hadn't meant for that to slip out loud. Now she pitied me. That was even worse than not fearing me.

"What do you care? You're just a goody-goody who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't need your pity, or anyone else's."

"I could never pity a Malfoy," she argued, her eyes narrowing. "Far as I'm concerned, you all have gotten what has been coming to you for a very long time."

"Oh, _yeah_?" I challenged, getting in her face.

"Yeah," she said just as harshly back.

We scowled at each other for another moment. My heart raced in me-- whether for anger or excitement, I couldn't tell, but I liked it. I was really close to her mouth, and I fought the urge to just grab her face and snog her, right then and there-- whether for payback or my own enjoyment, I still couldn't tell.

But I shook that thought away quickly… A Ravenclaw and me, puh-lease. Could make a person ill with thought like that, especially for this particular Ravenclaw, the lovely Ms. Chang, about as much as on bloody Light Side as they came, except maybe for Potter…

"Why did you really ask me here?" she said in a low and timid voice.

It was immature, but I couldn't give her an answer. The truth was, I wanted an excuse to talk to her, but it had nothing to do with my mission, or her blabbing about it. I just wanted to talk to her. Just to be with her. And I think she knew it.

"If you're afraid of a truth serum," she went on. "That's beyond my control. If that's all, then we're done. Excuse me."

"Wait!" I said, before I could stop myself. Blasted idiot! Stop being a bloody fool! But her straight black hair whirled around her so wonderfully when she turned back to me, and her big eyes gazed at me with an anger only skin deep.

"What?"

"I can't just let you walk away," I said. "No matter how many times you swear."

Her eyes grew wide.

"Relax. I can't kill you either. People might realize after a day or so that you're not here. You being an emotional wreck has caused you to be quite noticeable."

I grinned. I wanted to kiss her so badly. She looked so lovely in the moonlight. So what was holding me back? Usually what I wanted, I took. But she would require a gentler approach, I think. I felt the desire of pursuing this challenge the legitimate way. Of trapping her, letting her fall for me, then she most certainly wouldn't have the desire to turn me in. It was a plan I decided to test.

"Perhaps you haven't told because you couldn't bear to see me go." I smiled evilly. "Maybe you want me around… for your_self_."

She looked at me with spite.

"I only came because I thought maybe I might… try and convince you otherwise."

I laughed in her face. Like I could simply walk away from my own father, from _the Dark Lord_. It couldn't be done even if I tried.

"What makes you think you can just talk it away?"

"I don't know. I didn't really think I could, just that I'd give it a try. But if not, and I assumed that you wouldn't change your mind, I thought I would let you know that… I understand."

I laughed again, but she powered on through.

"I know," she continued over me. "I know about your father, and your family, and I imagine I even know why you think you have to do this."

"I was right," I said in disbelief. "You _do_ pity me."

She lowered her head in shame.

"Yes, I do. Is that so bad?"

"Bloody wretch," I mumbled. I thought I liked her, until she went and said a stupid thing like that. What a turn-off. Screw her.

"You don't want to lose them," Cho said, still sheepishly. "And I understand that. Losing people can sometimes be… unbearable."

She sniffed, and bowed her head, and I rolled my eyes at her.

"For bloody sakes woman, you're not going to _cry_ again, are you?"

She gave me a look of horror, a look that pierced my chest at my own audacity. Her lip quivered, and she whirled and left.

I stood, oddly stunned at my words. What should I care if she got her feelings hurt? That wasn't exactly hard to do these days. Not to mention verbally beating someone never bothered me before, and nor did it now… Stupid Ravenclaw, she doesn't know anything. Screw her. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know anything. And I certainly didn't give a hill o' beans about her and her damned feelings.

I sighed, frowned, and cursed.

I am such a shameless liar.

-

**Please Review… I would appreciate feedback. Thanks!**

**--RedRogue**


	3. Stupid Concerns

**Chapter 3**

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I soon became bored even with my stupid prefect duties, for getting on everyone's nerves was starting to lose its appeal. But my mind was _not_ in control over me, especially not over some stupid woman. Never. I knew this had to be dealt with once and for all so that I could move on with my existence.

No mistakes could ever be made like that one again, and my secret could not be discovered by anyone else, since I moved my practice sessions to a secret room, that appears only when I tell it to. That problem was solved, sure, but still Chang was a nagging issue that needed to be addressed. I began to spend many hours in the library (a thing uncommon), studying and searching for a silencing, or a secrecy spell. I was even tempted in a low point in my quest to ask Granger for help, since she, after all, was the one who put the 'sneak' on the forehead of Marietta.

The thought of asking Granger, though, was dismissed as quickly as it came. I get foolish in my desperation, I think.

But still my obsession ground on my chest. My thoughts always drifted to that night in the tower, and what she had said. My stakes then, my parents, seemed like nothing if meant Dumbledore would die instead of them. At least to her. My father was a great man too, not deserving to die any more than the stupid headmaster. I had already made my choice; I had already sworn to do this thing, of great honor in the Dark Lord's eyes. It was my decision. I had chosen my parents. There was no turning back on a promise made to the Dark Lord himself.

It was a thought that made me feel imprisoned. Though I bragged of this mission to my friends and cronies alike, inside I swelled with mental stress and pain. It no longer seemed like a choice, but a burden that was now was too much to bear.

Alone in the Slytherin dungeons that night, I lifted my left sleeve to remind myself what the mark looked like. The black scar stood boldly on my forearm. When I had first gotten it I thought it was the most brilliant thing I had ever seen. I felt ten feet taller, proud that I hid a bad secret to hide from all the other little children. I was important for once in my life, I had a purpose, people expected me, and were relieved when I finally came through.

But it got old quickly when it finally dawned on me what became at stake. My own flesh and blood: my family. So now, I could only feel trapped.

I put my head in my hands, tired from the stress of the day. I knew better than to let this get the best of me. I ordered myself to get it together. I was doing this, and nothing could stop me. What did I care about the old fool of a headmaster? At least now everyone would see that Draco Malfoy is a force to be reckoned with. If I couldn't be loved, I'd be feared, that's what I always told myself. This was just the final step of the path I have been treading down for years. Now I have the nerve to act _alarmed_?

"You should be off to bed, you," said a picture on the wall of a wrinkled old woman in a green scaly hat. "Deal with your pathetic problems some other time. And don't forgot to turn out the light."

She was right. That was exactly what I was going to do, except for the turning out the light part. I'd leave it on just to piss off the old painting for being rash with me.

-

The next morning, I picked at my breakfast without much interest in actually eating it. Hunger was ignored lately, for how deep in thought I was all the time. I didn't realize people actually paid attention to me enough to notice the difference, but yesterday Pansy commented as we snogged on the Slytherin couch:

"My, Draco, you feel a bit thinner."

"I hadn't noticed," I replied, and that was the end of that conversation. It wasn't worth it to her to care that much to pursue it, I supposed. But she surprised me, by noticing again today.

"What's wrong with you, Malfoy?" Pansy said before gurgling some pumpkin juice. "You're awful quiet lately."

"Got a lot on my mind."

Crabbe perked up.

"Like your mission?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Like that."

Crabbe looked to Goyle and they grinned proudly at one another. The idiots. They felt proud to even know me.

"Aww, my poor Drakie," Pansy said, hugging my left arm. "You need me for anything, anything at all, just ask."

That girl doted on me a little too much, and I was beginning to bore of the lack of challenge when it came to her. I could cheat on her and still she wouldn't care, just as long as I came back to her afterward. Pathetic, really.

I looked at her again. It brought me back to that idea I had last night, of making Cho dote on me like Pansy did. I had extreme confidence that Pansy would never do me in. Why did I shake that idea away? It was flawless!

Oh yes, I remembered. She was too smart for that. In fact, almost every other girl in this school was too smart for that, and here I was dating the one girl who would fall for it. Why hadn't _she_ been the one to walk in on me that day? Why Cho? What did fate have in mind with this one?

"You going to tell us what the mission is yet?" Goyle said hopefully.

"Shut up and eat," I commanded with extreme annoyance. Why couldn't these stupid people just leave me alone? I wasn't allowed to keep to myself for a day or two?

"Eat until you burst for all it matters to me," I went on. "Just leave me the hell alone."

After this sudden outrage I got up and simply left them. I didn't know where I was going, just that I wanted to get away from them. To be alone again. It was what I was good at.

But fate would not leave me alone. I ran into the last person I wanted to see. No, not _Cho_…

Snape.

He spoke with piercing words. His dark eyes glared into me like I had bloody transparent skin.

"Wandering the corridors by yourself in these dangerous times is not _prudent_, Mr. Malfoy."

I only glared back, not knowing what to say to this man. No doubt he was following me. I think I knew why, and his next words confirmed those very suspicions.

"And at these dark times," Snape went on. "We would not want anything to _happen_ to you, now would we?"

"My mother would hope not, I assume."

"You assume correctly, Mr. Malfoy. Now if you would, please…"

Snape stepped aside, putting his hand out to guide me back into the Great Hall.

"I was just going to the--" I began, but he cut me off with a sharp tone.

"—Draco… I _insist_…"

So, though I scowled with great dismay, I obeyed him. It aroused that old feeling in me, that one that wanted to do this unforgivable act just to spite everyone. I could prove everyone wrong, even my stupid mother and her lack of faith in me. Everyone thought I was an incompetent fool. I'd show them.

-

**Please Review… Thanks!**

**Signed,**

**--RedRogue**


	4. Love Is Overrated

**Sorry it took so long! It's been a hellish couple of months. Please enjoy.**

**-**

**Chapter 4**

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For a few more days at least, I was renewed in my fervor for blood. I practiced spells in that room day after day, for hours on end, skipping meals to practice more.

But that was soon squandered too, when she started in on my mind again. A look here, an inconspicuous wave there, all carefully done to avoid the questions of friends. Why she made such an effort to greet me or direct my attention, I didn't know. Far as the deal went, we were finished together. There was no need for further interaction. So why? It bothered me when she paid me attention. When she would do that, it felt like when Pansy petted me: I just wanted her to stop before she embarrassed herself _and_ me. Stupid women. They just couldn't leave me alone.

One night, an owl tapped at my window. I took the letter from its foot, and recognized the writing immediately as my mother's.

_Dearest Draco_, it said.  
_I must confess to you that I have appointed your Professor Snape to be your guardian in this task before you. Don't take it as a doubting of your abilities, but you are still young and still my own. Know that I love you, Draco, and if your father were here he would be proud of your courage. Please do everything you can to come out of this—_

I stopped reading and just glared into the textures of the parchment. She _loves_ me? What the hell was that supposed to mean? And she dared mention my father actually feeling something toward me? What lies this woman could tell! A true Malfoy, for sure.

With that, I ripped up the rest of the letter without finishing it. Who cared what she had to say? No one cared for me, and just because I was saving her scrawny neck she had the nerve to thank me with lame fallacies like that. It infuriated me.

I went to the nearest tower, which was the South Tower, and opened the highest window and watched the white pieces of paper fall. It was dark out so I couldn't see where they landed, but I hadn't stuck around to see that anyway. I sat on a bench near the tower window, and sat emotionless as I felt the cold breeze sweep my cloak.

But then I was saddened. I did feel pitiful, without a person left in the world who gave a real hoot about me. I was soon to become fully an evil man, though I didn't quite feel that inside yet. I loved my mother, and occasionally she had seemed to love me… but my father. There was no room for me in his heart. I had always wanted to be just like him, and one choice was left before me to complete that dream. I leaned my head against the wall, and closed my eyes so I wouldn't let tears escape them. It was all starting to wear on me, the stress of it all. I knew I had to do this soon; the end of the year would be here before I knew it, but a million different things held me back, and a million things pulled me forward, so at that moment, I was at a complete standstill of what side I was leaning to.

I didn't realize I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew Pansy was shaking me awake.

"Malfoy!"

I rubbed my eyes and shoved her hand away from me.

"I've been looking all over for you, you bloody lout," she explained. "Get up, before Snape comes looking for you too."

So I followed her back to the Slytherin dungeons, looking and feeling like a complete mess. She took the liberty of smoothing my hair down and straightening my collar.

"You look sad. Care for a little pick me up?" she offered me, in a low and sultry voice. I didn't answer, just grabbed her face and snogged her vigorously for a very long time. I found it didn't help me like it used to. Perhaps it just needed another notch up. So I pulled at her robes, helping her take it off, as a few other Slytherins left the room in disgust.

"Oh, Malfoy," she said between breaths. "I've waited a long while for this."

It still wasn't helping. She started on my robes next, and as she pulled them down my shoulders, I thought of my bared forearm. She would certainly notice the mark if I didn't stop soon, but I couldn't. It had to work first… She had to make me feel better…

Then I felt a hand in my hair, and it gripped my locks and yanked my head backwards. Snape's face appeared above mine and he spoke in a commanding tone.

"Some _other_ time, perhaps, Mr. Malfoy. To _bed_, both of you."

I shoved Pansy away then. Stupid git. She wasn't doing the trick for me anyway. Snape put my robe around my shoulders and made sure to keep my mark covered.

-

**Now review please.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	5. Losing Control

**That last chapter was really short, so here I am updating nice and fast.**

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**Chapter 5**

-

I could do nothing but pout lately. I hated it. No one loved me, and I loved no one. I walked the courtyards by the lake with Crabbe and Goyle, just moseying around with no real destination. The cronies were arguing amongst themselves as to if Crabbe had _really_ seen the giant squid's tentacle a while back in our walk. I wasn't really paying attention. I just shuffled my feet, kicking dirt around as I walked. I was still very deep in thought, and sometimes even forgot they were there.

I looked up to see how far I had walked. I was heading back uphill for the school now.

That's when I saw her. She was sitting by the stone ruins, all by herself, looking out to the lake. The wind was blowing her black curtain of hair in her face, and her cloak moved about her ever so gently.

I didn't realize I had even stopped, but it must have been abrupt because Goyle crashed into me and I found myself falling to the ground. My anger reared up like an instinct.

"Goyle, you clumsy lout! Why don't you think about what your doing for a change?"

"Sorry, Malfoy," Goyle said, giving me a hand up. I realized then that I had spoken a little loudly, and quickly glanced over to see if I had scared off Cho. Our gazes met for just a moment, and there was fear in her placid eyes, like I was scaring off a doe. She quickly gathered her books and began to hurry off.

I frowned at my own idiocy. Not just because I didn't get to talk to her, but because I wanted to in the first place. I watched her leave with some regret.

"She's a pretty one, huh Malfoy?" Crabbe said, pulling a piece of food out of nowhere and proceeding to stuff his face. Goyle chuckled his agreement.

"Let's follow her," he said lustfully. I found my anger flaring again at his words, and turned to them with fire in my eyes.

"You leave that one alone!" I said, then felt a twinge of that nagging evil in me telling me I was going soft. I recovered as best I could.

"I mean, if anyone's going to have her, it's me. She's probably too smart for _you_ anyhow."

The two of them laughed and patted me on the back to encourage me. I let the evil take over and do the thinking, as it was supposed to be. She _was_ pretty. I _should_ have her. I don't know why I didn't decide on it before.

And, I thought with vengeful delight, her being Potter's ex would make St. Potter fly off the handle if I took her for my own. It lifted my downer spirits. She suddenly was excellent prey.

"Don't wait up, fellahs," I said with a low vicious cackle.

I came halfway down the hill after her then stopped. Logic overcame the evil. What was I doing? I couldn't do that to her. No, it wasn't my conscience. It was reason. She knew my secret. If I just shagged her and dumped her, she'd be angry with me. Maybe angry enough to blab my secret…

I frowned. She had promised silence, but revenge for me could undo that oath in a second's time.

My chest fell. I was disappointed. I really wanted her. And what I wanted, I took. Who cares if she was angry? If she showed any sign of tattling, I'd just blow her pretty head off.

But inside, that wasn't what I wanted to happen.

I stared as she hurried off down to the lake, and disappeared through a small hoard of trees. Her hair blended with her dark cloak, both trailing behind her in the breeze.

Oh, but I wanted her really _bad_…

"What's the matter, Malfoy?" Goyle called downward. I didn't answer, and didn't move.

-

I awoke in the Slytherin room in my four-poster bed, curtains drawn. The other Slytherins in the room slept soundly, Crabbe snoring a bit louder than usual. Warmness was about me, and the sensation of another presence under the covers with me. There was a girl in my bed. I smiled to myself, a feeling of stolen joy in me, and turned over to look at my conquest in the eye.

I found Pansy, and my chest fell.

Of course. Why was I expecting someone else? Why was I _disappointed_?

I recalled the events of the day before with mourning. I hadn't followed Cho. Instead to fill the void in my boyish urgings I snogged Pansy all night long. Both of us being fully clothed still made me realize to some relief that nothing to dire had happened between us. But something had taken control of me. There was an addiction I couldn't ignore. I was changing somehow, and I knew the cause.

I jumped out of bed and grabbed my robe.

I had to talk to her.

-

**Press the little purple button below that says "_GO_".  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	6. Accidentally Admitted It

**Updated at last. Thanks for your patience.**

-

**Chapter 6: **

-

I looked everywhere for Chang. I was always one step behind her, one step around the corner just as she was entering a classroom, one step too slow as she left one.

Finally, I caught her just as she was leaving Herbology outside with her classmates. Smirking at my long-waited success, I hurried towards her, opening my mouth to call her name…

That's when a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder, yanking me through a corridor to a private place outside.

It was a man in dark robes, tattered like he had just made his way through the Forbidden Forest to catch me. A death eater, right here in Hogwarts. If he wasn't so close to the cover of the forest, I would think him out in the open was utter madness.

"What do you want?" I demanded. "What are you doing here?"

"I have a message from the Dark Lord," he replied.

"What? Here? Are you mad? Quiet down, someone might hear!"

"He says get on with it or he's yanking you from the mission."

"He can't do that!"

"He will."

"Alright," Malfoy said, glancing around to make sure they were still alone. "Tell him I have a plan coming along. Tell him it shouldn't be much longer now."

The man didn't answer, just simply turned and left.

That's when I realized how distracted from my task I had really become. I was getting sloppy and I knew it. Potter was starting to realize that I was missing Quidditch matches, and no doubt he had realized I was using Crabbe and Goyle as transfigured lookouts too. My time was wearing thin, and it was starting to get to me.

Maybe I should just accept my fate and know that I was a dead man. Maybe eternal glory was not for me.

But now was not the time to give up. Now was the time to get down to it, and finish my plan before it was too late for the entire Malfoy family tree.

**-**

I had forgotten about a certain raven-haired Ravenclaw for a few days at least. Then I realized that she hadn't forgotten about me.

One day I came back to my dormitory and Pansy was standing by my nightstand, shredding an unidentified paper and letting it fall like confetti to the floor.

"What are you doing?" I demanded harshly. "Is that _my_ letter?"

"Chang-- that Ravenclaw girl Crabbe told me you were oogling-- told Goyle to deliver this to you."

She pointed to the contents on the floor.

"She even said it was important. How do you explain _that_, Draco Malfoy?"

I stood stunned, staring at the shreds on the floor, a fury slowly consuming my mind so that I was paralyzed until it was finished. She had ripped my letter. My letter from _Cho_.

"Aren't you going to defend yourself, Draco?" she went on. "Because I'm on the verge of calling us completely _over_!"

I tore my gaze from the grated letter on the floor and brought it slowly up to Pansy, with a glare was so icy that she shivered under it.

"GET OUT!" I shouted at her. She jumped a mile high at my sudden outburst, and immediately hurried from the room, but still I shouted.

"Don't ever touch my things again! Don't ever come near me! NEVER AGAIN, DO YOU HEAR?"

I collapsed to the floor, sweeping the tattered shreds of the note together with my hands, and trying to piece it back right again. It was like a jigsaw puzzle. I could only make out a few words: _Horrible… heard… sorry… aren't… wanted… afraid… Harry…_

It made no sense. In sorrow and frustration, I sat on the floor, and gave up. From what I only guessed, Cho had heard about what Harry had done, and written to apologize. Probably feeling sorry for me like she usually does.

Then I remembered my wand, and excitedly waved it over the pieces, muttering:

"_Reparo_!"

The shreds circled each other and finally, in a small flash of light, formed the letter perfectly. I seized it immediately, and gobbled up every word in Cho's perfect calligraphy.

_Malfoy_

_I've been worrying for you for some strange reason, and I find myself writing to give you my sincerest sympathies. There aren't many that know what you're going through, but you have made me one of them, I'm afraid. I suppose I just wanted you to know that there is someone who understands. _

_That is all. I don't wish for a reply._

_Chang_

Somehow, those words cheered me, lifted my spirits ever so slightly. Though I hated the fact that she only was speaking to me out of pity, or fear, I felt the inside of my chest rise, and the edges of my mouth form a smile.

"Malfoy!" Zabini said, poking his head in the dorm, Goyle and Crabbe right behind him. "We have classes right _now_! You'll be late!"

I quickly shoved the letter in the pocket of my robes, and fingered it in the dark confines of my pocket as I walked with them to Dark Arts. Pansy was nowhere to be found, and I didn't care. I couldn't erase the happy smirk on my face, thinking of the words on that little piece of parchment in my pocket that meant so much to me.

-

I read that damn letter every spare moment I had alone. I savored her words, sometimes imagining that delicate hand writing them with a feathered quill, and her thoughts drifting to me every so often…

"What are you so happy about?" Blaise wondered at lunch one day. I quickly forced my face back to the icy glare it was accustomed to, and spoke roughly.

"None of your bloody business, I'll tell you that."

"You almost are acting like…" his voice faded.

"Like _what_?" I demanded daringly.

"Like you got a new girl-thrill."

"He _has_!" Crabbe burst out. "He's been going after Chang lately, haven't you Malfoy? Tap her at last, have you?"

"No, you stupid blighters! I'm…"

They looked at me intently as they walked, waiting for me to finish, but I couldn't find the words to.

"You haven't got a thing for her, have you?" Zabini interrogated like I was under a bright spotlight in a dark room.

"Oh, bugger off!" I said, then hurried ahead.

As much as I hated to admit it, they were right. Something was wrong with me. I wasn't acting right. I felt like a lovestruck girl. I hated it. I hated it more than anything. Why in the world was I stuck on a stupid Light Side half-blood anyway? It wasn't like me, and I was disturbed by it.

I marched down the corridors with determination. I was going to straighten this out straight away. I set out to find her, then and there, not caring that I was supposed to be finishing Snape's 3-foot essay.

I caught her around the first corner I turned, like it was fate. She was just leaving a bathroom with a group of her little popular friends.

"Chang," I said harshly, interrupting her conversation with her pack of gigglers. I grabbed her shoulder and yanked her around. Maybe I was sneakier than I had originally thought of myself, because she seemed surprised and fearful at the sight of me. Like, if she had known I was around, she would've ducked out straight away. Now she had no chance to run.

"We're going to have us a chat," I explained to her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her away from her cluster of now confused friends.

"Malfoy!" Cho protested. "Where are you taking me? Please, let me go…"

"Quiet, you," I snapped. I led her outside into the courtyards, to a shady place under a tree where we were sure to be neither seen nor heard.

"What did you do?" I demanded.

"I… I don't understand…"

"You slipped something into my food, didn't you, you little leech? Seems the trend, everyone's going around slipping those Weasel-bee tricks in everyone's food, sending them enchanted chocolates or something… You did something to me, and I order you to tell me what it was, this instant!"

"I…"

She shook her head, not knowing what to say. Her face expressed complete bewilderment.

"Draco, I haven't done anything…"

"Liar!" I insisted. "You must've! I've never acted this way before… I'm not enjoying myself in anything I used to, not eating, not sleeping right… and I can't get YOU out of my bloody head! You must've put _some_ sort of spell on me, some potion…"

I was so angry that she wasn't admitting it that I didn't realize what I had admitted myself. Not until she fought that smile, and looked to the ground with pink cheeks.

"No-- That's not what I meant," I backtracked. "I meant… er… I meant you have me worried because you know this secret of mine… Don't give yourself that kind of credit, Chang."

That wiped the smile off her face.

"I didn't do anything, Malfoy," she said coldly. "I wouldn't _want_ to. Why would I go through all that trouble for a sniveling wretch like you?"

"Who knows? How am I supposed to know the logic of a twisted mind like yours?"

"_You're_ the one with the twisted mind if you think I could actually _feel_ that way toward you. Toward _you_, of all people—A Malfoy! It's almost laughable."

I was alarmed at her outspokenness. In every other conversation I've had with her she was as timid as a mouse. Where was this coming from? It was a blow I wasn't prepared for, and I found myself speechless for only a moment.

"Glad that's cleared up then," I said nervously.

She grinned. I hated it. She had the upper hand in this conversation, and she knew it. I simply glared at her at what she dared to ask next…

"Do you fancy me, Draco?" she asked so smooth and naturally, like I was just another mindless schoolboy crush. I had to remind her that I wasn't just another suitor for her; in fact, I wasn't really a suitor at all, was I?

Again, I didn't believe myself.

I was silent too long. She began to form lies in her heads, imagining ideas that weren't real.

"You _do_, don't you?" she insisted.

I snickered to cover it up, to stall while I thought to myself. I looked anywhere but those eyes staring at me intensely.

Was honesty the way to go? Should I admit how much I had been obsessing over this one? How she had consumed me for the past three weeks?

Never.

Never in a millions years would I admit that to an empty-headed girl on the stinking Light Side, about as opposite of a Malfoy type as they came. Never would I admit it, never in any lifetime--

"So what if I do?" my mouth spat out before I could stop it. "You're something to look at, you know, so you know it's not that uncommon to have boys fall for you."

"Oh my god," she said in shock. "Oh my… I actually—you actually admitted—you actually said you liked me!"

"Like it matters," I retorted snottily. "I'll never do anything about it, ever."

"But you like me…"

"I'd stab myself in the chest before ever becoming yours…"

"But you _like_ me…"

I was getting very frustrated with her.

"Yes! Will you stop being stuck on that fact and focus on reality? I'm not ever going to--"

"I hate you," she said, taking a step over to me. "And you hate me. And yet somehow, there's something here between us, don't you see?"

I took a step backwards, away from her, strangely afraid.

"You had better start making some sense soon, or…" I started to threaten, but didn't follow through.

"We know we could never be, that we're not _supposed_ to be, and yet, we're drawn to each other…"

She took another step forward, and I took another abrupt step back.

"I wouldn't so far as to say _that_…"

She was definitely advancing on me, and it made me panic, and I have no idea why. My eyes were wide in fear, and I kept on stepping backward.

"We don't want each other… because of all the forces against us… the ways we were raised… But perhaps, we might be so brave as to think for ourselves… and my own mind says… to hell with what anyone else thinks…"

I soon felt my back hit against the large tree, and terror immediately overwhelmed me. I was trapped. There was nowhere to run, no cronies here to save me… She leaned, I winced, actually letting out a whimper in fear…

It was over so soon. I stood wide-eyed, and facing her, no doubt a stunned look upon my face. She had caught me off guard.

I brought my hand to my mouth, tenderly feeling the new wet on my lips. It was so surreal. Was I dreaming? I couldn't believe it… I stood in a complete stupor of what had just happened to me.

Rational thought came slowly at first, then arrived in a full swarm.

"What the _BLOODY HELL did you do THAT for, _you _stupid git_?" I hissed at her, trying to keep my voice down in case there were passers-by. She gathered her things and turned to go.

"Now I know why you have so many boyfriends…" I said coldly. "You're a bloody whore!"

She whirled around in offense, her face shocked at my words. She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't let her. My mouth was already on hers, soaking up her splendor for all it was worth.

-

**Okay, yes, I know that was random, but trust me, I have a plan. It's going to unfold soon too, I promise.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	7. A Most Desperate Act

**Chapter 7: **

-

Her books dropped to the floor in a cloud _thump_, as I took her by utter surprise. But she returned it. We began to kiss so fervently I feared for my face.

Oh, but I liked it…

A _lot_…

She kissed with so much passion, yet with a held back kind of sorrow in her posture, like she was drowning some hidden misery into me, but hell, I didn't care, because oh man, did it feel good. Better than a thousand of Pansy's kisses put together. Time slowed, it seemed, and it felt like an eternity standing there with our mouths connected. I wouldn't have parted us for the world.

-

I wiped my face off as I walked down the corridors, her disgusting saliva still lingering on my mouth. I felt as if the entire world was watching me, judging me with condemning eyes. I wasn't guilty; no, a Malfoy would never feel guilt. It was simply the awful sensation that I was being watched, that maybe someone had seen the exchange between Chang and I.

It was rather ironic, and convenient as well, that if either of our groups of friends found out about our little affair, it would be devastating to both of us. It was such a mutual understanding, one that either of us needed to explain.

We just simply were.

Not because it made sense or because we were bored or even that we lusted after one another. It just was because we saw what we wanted and took it. For me at least, it was almost involuntary. I, of course, wouldn't be surprised if she fell head-over-heels for me, since I fancied myself a rather handsome bloke. Who wouldn't, really?

What was important was that it was an opportune and rather liberating release, as if we had been itching for an unfeeling relationship since we began school. And the best part was, we could end it any time. We didn't need it. We had our own lives to lead. It was simply icing on the cake.

I smiled broadly at the thought of it, but caught myself as I did so. What was that? I sighed and gave into it.

Unfeeling indeed.

It was a thought that scared me. Maybe she meant more to me than I told myself she did. Maybe I did 'need' her, and that release she made me feel.

I stopped in my tracks. I couldn't let this go on. The first time had to be the last. I had to end it before I depended on a… _girl_.

It had to cease immediately. Today, right now.

Well… I wouldn't end it _today_, but I would tomorrow, surely.

Or next week, perhaps.

Well… soon, for certain.

God, then I smiled giddily again, and this time, I couldn't wipe it off. It was like my face had frozen that way.

Damn her.

What the hell was happening to me? I was losing my focus, my evilness, my everything…

Suddenly I whipped out my wand and pointed it to a gargoyle pillar that stood next to me. I could see a flag of an ear poking out from behind the statue, and the House Elf that stood behind it came out with his hands over his head.

"Dobby meant no harm, sir," it said. "Please do not hurt poor Dobby too badly, please."

"You're that annoying little wretch that used to hang around our manor, aren't you?" I snapped.

"Yes, sir," it replied. "Until Dobby was freed by Mr. Potter."

"Is that why you were spying on me?" I said, pressed the tip of the wand into his throat, making the thing whimper in fear. "Did Potter send you?"

He squeaked and didn't reply.

"Dobby swore not to tell. He swore to keep it a secret and he swore not to be caught!"

"TELL ME!" I boomed, my cheeks going hot with embarrassment. What if this elf had seen Chang and I? What if it got back to Potter?

I began to panic, which only outwardly showed more anger, scaring the elf all the more. He covered his head and cowered in terror.

"What did you see?" I demanded of it. He took several steps away from me, trying to avoid the wand.

"Sir, Dobby doesn't lie. Dobby saw Draco sir with a pretty girl. Dobby has never seen Master so happy before, sir."

"Shut up!" I commanded, slapping his head hard. My cheeks were definitely red now that one random third year was passing through the corridor and seemed to wonder why I was interrogating a House Elf.

"Don't you have classes to go to?" I snapped at her. The little blond clutched her book bag closer to her chest and ran off with fright.

I turned my fury back to the elf.

"You had better swear to me you _never_ speak of this to anyone. ESPECIALLY that _Potter_. Do you hear me? ANSWER ME!"

"Yes, sir! Dobby swears it, sir!"

Getting the answer I wanted, I shoved him on his way.

"And I had better never catch you spying on me again!" I called after him. "Or I won't be so kind!"

-

I ducked into the bathroom to catch my breath of everything that had happened today. Was I losing my nerve? I couldn't afford fear. I couldn't afford doubt.

I looked at myself in the mirror of the abandoned girl's lavatory. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I didn't feel like a Malfoy, but it was the only thing I was raised to be. It was what everyone expected of me. It was the only future I had.

For a while I had thought, if being evil was the only option I had, then by gone I would be the evilest I could. It came naturally of course, being raised the way I had, but now that my father was gone… It seemed everything had changed. And now with the addition of Chang into the equation, my world had turned upside down.

"Who's there?" a squeaky, high-pitched voice came from one of the stalls. I knew all too well who it was.

"Just be quiet, Myrtle, and go haunt someone else," I replied.

"_Well_!" she said with offense, sticking her head through the door of the stall to look at me. I could see the reflection of her head in the mirror.

"Oh, I should've known it was _you_," she said. "Always picking on _live_ people so why should you be any different to the _dead_?"

She exemplified exactly what I had just been thinking. I was a Malfoy, so as such, people automatically assumed me to be evil. What other choice had I, than to _be_ evil?

"I said, leave me _ALONE_!" I shouted to her, throwing one of my school books in her direction.

"_Again_ with people throwing books at stupid old Myrtle…" she lamented. "When will they _stop_?"

"I don't need to hear about your troubles right now," I explained, staring down at the faucet of the sink. "I've got plenty of my own."

"They can't be worse than mine. I'm _dead_ for crying out loud!"

"Trust me, I'd rather be dead than have to deal with _my_ problems."

"Let's hear them, then," she said, crossing her arms defiantly and emerging completely from the stall to face me.

"What?" I said in surprise, turning to face her as well. This wasn't the Moaning Myrtle I had heard about…

"I _said_, if you think you have it so bad, lets hear them and I'll be the judge. Or are you a big, fat liar…? Oooohh, my worries and feelings… too much to HANDLE… Ooohhh!"

I scowled at her and shook my head.

"You wouldn't understand, so just shove off."

She shrugged her shoulders and turned to go back into her stall. I frowned in thought. Who was she was _she_ going to tell? _Everyone_, alive or ghost, avoided her annoying self like the plague. And somehow, the idea of venting out to someone seemed enticing.

"Wait!" I called after her. "Fine, if you're that desperate, I'll tell you…"

-

"Malfoy!" Goyle practically pounced on me when he saw me finally get back to the Slytherin dormitories.

"Where have you been?" Crabbe demanded of me, being the stupid git that he was.

"What are you, my babysitter?" I snapped. "I don't have to report to the likes of _you_."

"It's just that, the polyjuice is ready again… we thought today you were going to… you know…"

My eyes grew wide, but only for a second before I covered for it. Of course. I had forgotten that today was another practice day in the Room of Requirement. My obsessions with Chang and talks with Myrtle were really started to obstruct my schedule… and my head.

"Well, com'on," I commanded my cronies and set off for practice.

-

Days passed, and though my plan to practice in private worked flawlessly, I wasn't improving in my skills. The reality of fear began to overtake me as I began to realize that there was a large likelihood that I would fail in my task. It was time for my most desperate act.

It took me a few more days to swallow enough pride to slip a note to Chang telling her to meet me by that tree after class. Hopefully she had enough sense to come alone. If anyone could help me, she could.

I still don't know what I was doing, asking her. I sat outside on the bench by the tree, tapping my foot impatiently and wondering what the hell I was thinking. She was on the Light Side. She wasn't about to help me _murder_ the Light Side's freaking _mascot_, Dumbledore. But I finally began to admit to myself that I was afraid and very much in over my head.

I thought many times about leaving and standing her up altogether, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Not if I meant I got to look at that face once more.

Then she appeared, weaving her way gracefully through the crowd of students in the outside corridors and walking across the courtyard to where I sat.

"Yes, what is it?" she huffed with impatience.

It was then I knew for certain that there was no way she was going to help me. I gathered my things and began to walk away, much to her confusion.

I was screwed, and that was it. I would much rather admit defeat than to be dumb enough to ask her only to be ruthlessly shot down. She would be offended at the very _question_. Even I didn't have that much nerve.

"What did you want to see me for, Malfoy?" she called after me before I had even walked five steps. I stopped in my tracks at the sound of her voice and seemed unable to continue on my escape. I took a large sigh, gathered my courage whirled back to her.

"Chang," I said coldly, my nerve suddenly returning to me. "I need your… assistance."

She, needless to say, seemed very surprised indeed.

-

**Please review.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	8. Fate Steps In

**Chapter 8: **

-

"ARE YOU MAD?!" Chang screamed at me in the middle of the empty courtyard, so that even the trees shivered under her shouts.

I had known that she wouldn't help me with my mission, and I had known that I would be mercilessly denied, but nothing prepared me for her hateful words, the spite in her eyes, the _disgust_ in her voice.

"Not only did you demand it of me to keep such an evil secret," she spat flames at me. "You want me to HELP YOU WITH IT _TOO_? Honestly… YOU HAVE _SOME_ NERVE!"

She grabbed her book bag from the bench, glaring at me all the while.

"Even if your parents _are_ in danger… better them than our wonderful _Dumbledore_, who could very well end this war, save Harry, or even us all!"

Yet somehow, those words were worse than the look on her face, and the tone in her voice. Those words dug deep into me, more than he rejection ever could have.

"I see," I said, a low growl drifting into my voice. "So this has been about Potter all along, has it? You have a real problem with letting go of your exes, Chang, do you know that? Pathetic."

Her eyes grew wide, and she began to shake with holding back her anger. She looked ready to slap me at any given moment. She spoke clear and slow, as if to fully accentuate her words.

"Don't… you… _EVER_… come near me again, do you hear me?" she commanded me with so much disdain. "You never even THINK it! If you see my face in the corridors, you just look away, so I won't have to see your WRETCHED FACE! I'm NEVER speaking to you _AGAIN_!"

"YOU _PROMISE_?!" I shouted back with strong cynicism.

With that she covered her wet eyes in her palms and ran off, crying heavily as she headed back to the castle.

As if the day wasn't dark enough, the sky had to add to it with a sudden swarm of black clouds, followed by an almost immediate downpour of rain right onto my head. Or maybe I had just stood there watching the place she had gone out of my sights longer than I thought I had.

I was in complete bewilderment of my own self and my foolishness… because I had never felt more horrid in my entire life.

I lifted my hood over my head to shield myself from the rain, but I was already beginning to shiver.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a hand reached out of the nearby trees and grabbed my cloak, yanking me into its cover. A grubby hand was placed over my mouth to keep me from calling out.

"You will listen," said a deep growling voice. "And you will listen good. I have a message for you. From _him_."

My throat clenched shut and my heart raced in fear. I couldn't answer even if I wanted to, for the man's smelly hand was still firmly over my mouth.

"He wants you to get it done… very _soon_… or you will die _with_ them, do you understand?"

I squealed in fear and protest behind his hand. He would dare kill me as well? It was unfair! It was an outrage! It was…

_Terrifying_.

I stopped squirming and was paralyzed in horror. The stakes had just been raised… again. I was now faced with the dire realization of this game I had been playing. I had been talking this evil talk for so long, as if being evil had some glorious status, and I now had to walk the walk, or… die.

It was such an abrupt phrase, to die. So stunning, so that I was at a loss at what to say. Death was not a thing I thought would ever come to me, and certainly not while I was serving the Dark Lord. He was the giver of death, and if you were on it's side, it shouldn't come to you, right?

The Death Eater turned and left me to my thoughts, disappearing into the cover of the trees.

Oh god, I wasn't ready for this. Everything seemed so surreal and invincible until now, the realism not truly in my face.

So I ran. I ran fast and hard up the hills toward the castle Hogwarts, the rain not the only reason my face was wet.

What was I going to do? I wasn't meant to be an assassin. Surely there was more training involved. Surely there was a better person suited. Why me? My pathetic attempts had already proved less than worthy, and the most harm I had done to anyone was only to the stupid Gryffindor Katie Bell. My luck was rotten and useless. Everything I had done so far had been with dire consequences, and for every step I had taken, I was thrown three steps back again.

The cursed necklace had been a disaster. The practice sessions and attempts to repair the cabinet in the Room of Requirement were serving for no improvement whatsoever.

I should just consider himself dead already. My parents too. It was the end of the Malfoy line.

Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. I ducked to the nearest bathroom, which was the abandoned girl's lavatory again, closing the door after me and rushing to the closest sink, hands clutching either side, my head bowed over it.

"Awww…" Myrtle said as she exited from a cubicle. "I missed our visits, Draco."

I just wanted to be alone, but couldn't bring myself to snap at her to go away. My throat was tight, and my eyes watered, the tears involuntarily poured freely into the sink.

"Just go back to your stall, Myrtle," I commanded at last through my clenched throat.

She seemed concerned, but thankfully listened to me.

"You're crying!" she observed. "What's wrong?"

"None of your blamed business, Myrtle, just leave me be!"

"Don't," crooned Myrtle's voice from one of the stalls, as a pathetic attempt to try and comfort me. "Don't... tell me what's wrong... I can help you..."

"No one can help me," I said. My whole body began to shake beyond my control. "I can't do it, I can't... it won't work... and unless I do it soon, he says he'll kill me..."

I gasped and gulped and then, with a great shudder, looked up into the cracked mirror and saw Harry staring back at me in the mirror.

I wheeled around, whipping out my wand, and he did the same. I tried one hex, but it missed Harry by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him. He threw himself to the floor, while flicking his wand in my direction, but I blocked the jinx and raised my wand for another attack.

"No! No! Stop it!" squealed Moaning Myrtle, her voice echoing loudly around the tiled room. "Stop! STOP!"

There was a loud bang and the bin behind Harry exploded; Harry attempted a Leg-Locker Curse that backfired off the wall behind my ear and smashed the cistern beneath Moaning Myrtle, who screamed loudly; water poured everywhere and Harry slipped as I, in deep concentration, cried:

"_Crui--"_

"_SECTUMSEMPRA!_" Harry bellowed from the floor, waving his wand with determined intensity.

A sudden pain came over me, sudden and shocking. I saw blood spurt from my face and chest as though I had been slashed with an invisible sword. Millions of needles stabbed me repeatedly all over my body. I staggered backward from the sudden pain and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash, my wand falling slowly from my limp hand.

I heard Harry gasp, like he hadn't known what he had just done. I could barely hear him slipping around on the wet tiles, making his way to me like he actually cared. Blood, _my_ blood, was everywhere, and I was drenched in it, shaking madly and I couldn't stop.

Moaning Myrtle let out a deafening scream:

"MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!"

Next thing I knew, Snape was kneeling over me, waving his wand it over the deep wounds on my face, muttering an healing incantation that sounded almost like a song. It soothed me to almost beyond consciousness, and the flow of blood seemed to ease. Snape wiped the residue from my face and then repeated his spell. I was healing rapidly, though the pain was still very great and the shock still intense.

I could still hear Moaning Myrtle sobbing and wailing overhead. Snape did his best to help me stand, but I was still weak.

"You need the hospital wing," Snape decided. "There may be a certain amount of scarring, but if you take dittany immediately we might avoid even that... Come..."

He supported me across the bathroom, turning at the door to say in a voice of cold fury,

"And _you_, Potter... you wait here for me."

Somehow, it brought me strange relief to hear those words, knowing that Potter would indeed pay for what he had done to me. I would make him pay later too, if ever given the chance.

-

'Pain' was not a good enough word to describe my next few days. 'Misery' was close. 'Anguish' was closer.

'Utter agony' was perfection.

The scars were sure to be lifted, as Madam Pomphery promised, but the sting was rather intense for the next couple of days, and I didn't dare show my face around Potter, for fear of him laughing and gloating in my humbled face. I decided it best not to mess with him for a few days, just out of wise precaution…

But then, fate decided I was due for a little luck. On the second day in the hospital wing, I had a visitor.

I had been sleeping when she came in, but like a sixth sense, my eyes flicked open at her presence. I watched her as she talked a bit with the school nurse, then came towards my way. She said nothing to me, just sat down on the edge of my bed and examined my wounds. I knew I was a rather ghastly sight, and was about to snap something rude at her, but when her hand came close to my skin, I quickly decided against it.

I watched as she lifted a hand to one of my cuts on my arm, brushing a finger on it gently. It burned to be touched, and not just because of the wound, either. Then she accidently hit an especially tender spot, and I winced in pain.

"_Ow_! What the hell are you doing?!" I exclaimed.

She jumped, probably not realizing I had been awake.

"Nothing," she replied quickly, then scurried away to wait on the bed next to me. "I'm just here for a checkup."

She sounded a little congested, and I feared she was going to cry again. A closer look at her red nose and pale skin made me realize she just had a common cold, which was probably the reason she was here.

Or was it? The way she looked at my wounds with such sorrow and pity made me think otherwise.

"You heard about what Potter did to me, didn't you?" I guessed.

"How could I not?" she answered back. "It's all anyone is talking about. You look as bad as they say, too. Was it really Harry who did this to you?"

"Of _course_," I retorted forcefully. "I told you he wasn't such a saint. No one is."

"I can't believe he would attack you like that, it's so…" she searched for the right word and I volunteered one.

"_Evil_?" I offered.

She sniveled and looked away. She looked as if she didn't know what to believe, as if the lines between good and evil were starting to blur.

"Draco," she said softly, then sighed. "I didn't want to care… you don't deserve it."

I narrowed my eyes slowly, wondering what she could possibly mean by that.

"What are you saying?"

"When we kissed… did you feel anything?"

I shut my mouth quickly. Then I smirked. It was just like I had predicted. She had fallen for me. Pathetic.

"For you? You're joking right?"

"I didn't feel anything for you either," she said stoically.

We were silent for many moments. I glanced over to Madam Pomphrey, who was just leaving the room, if only for a moment. I grinned smugly. Yes, fortune was now in my favor.

"Then I guess it wouldn't matter if we did so _again_, would it?" I announced.

"Certainly not," she retorted determinedly. "I _still_ wouldn't feel anything for a wretch like you!"

"And neither would I for a wench like you."

"Not a thing!"

Together, we crashed our mouths on one another again, though I groaned a bit through my pains… oh, but it was worth it.

I disconnected us all too quickly, not wanting to let it go too far.

"See?" I exclaimed perhaps a little too loudly. "Didn't feel a thing."

"Me either!"

Then she grabbed my face and kissed me again. A little longer this time… and deeper.

"Still nothing!" she insisted when she let me go, but I was feeling a little light-headed.

"Yes, not a thing," I agreed. We gave each other a long look, searching for something in the other's eyes. Cho frowned, as if realizing something she didn't see in me before, then got up from her bed.

"I need to… I have to go…" she said quickly, a little flustered. She walked right to the door just as Madam Pomphrey was just coming back in through it.

"I have your cold potion, deary," the nurse explained as Cho came rushing past.

"I'm actually feeling much better now, Madam Pomphrey," she lied anxiously. "Please, excuse me…"

I watched her leave with some sorrow at seeing her go. Something had spooked her, and I could only imagine what.

-

The next day, Madam Pomphrey's potion wasn't retrieved in waste, seeing as I was now sneezing up a storm.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy!" Madam Pomphrey said, rushing to my bedside. "Are you coming down with a something?"

That was just what I had been thinking. I could only hope she wouldn't realize I had caught it while Cho was administering her own form of mouth-to-mouth.

"I wonder how you could catch Ms. Chang's cold so quickly?" she said as she poured me a cup of potion.

I glared up at her distasteful tone. She wondered, indeed.

She then gave me a look, one I wouldn't soon forget. It was one that was a sort of scolding grin, as if saying with her suspicious eyes: "_you sly dog, you_…"

I fought a grin in her presence, but after she turned her back to me, I smiled in immense satisfaction. This was certainly the best cold I had ever received.

-

**Please review.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	9. The One Mistake

**Chapter 9: **

-

For the next few days, I was a changed man. I avoided Potter with every breath in me, and tried my best to 'run into' Chang as often as I could. Then we started meeting out by the lake together: she would fake a private 'study time' to get away from her friends and I would simply ditch mine.

Then I began to rely on her being there. If she was late, I would scold her, but if I ever did the same, I would get on her case for harassing me about it. After all, it wasn't as if I _liked_ her or anything. It was just a bit of fun, something I was doing for kicks.

One day, I watched from the shoreline as she waded in the shallow water of the lake. I sat beside the clothes she had left behind, like her socks, shoes, and robes, under the shade of the trees and on top the moisture of the musty earth, and simply watched her. Her sleeves were rolled up, and she looked intently into the water looking for some ingredient to a potion she was trying to concoct in class. Her legs were beautiful, almost fully bare save for the gray uniform skirt, and graceful in the ripples forming around them. Her pale skin glowed in the reflection of the sun. I couldn't help but admire her like a Greek would admire a Nereid in those mythological histories I occasionally glanced over. You know, a sea nymph. That's what she reminded me of.

"Did you hear about Ginny and Harry?" she asked as if it was scandalous news.

"I'm not much for gossip," I replied harshly, fiddling with the end of my robe.

"Apparently after the Quidditch match yesterday he was all over her."

"He certainly aims high."

"Tell me about it," she agreed. "The little redhead's had three boyfriends since school started!"

"Potter must go for the slutty types."

She shot me a look, and I smiled jokingly, daring her to comment.

"You could help, you know," she pointed out, motioning to the plants in her hand.

I shrugged.

"I'm not much of a water person," I replied as if bored, scratching at my itching bandages underneath my robes. Whatever curse Potter had put on me had sure dug deep. "Besides, the view is much better from over here."

Cho looked at me with a strange look, then teased:

"You like the view, huh?"

"Don't get any ideas, Chang. I know you're obsessed with me and all, but please hold back the girly hormones. We've already established that your pretty to look at; nothing more. God, I hate repeating myself."

She smiled my way, the mocking look still apparent in her eyes.

"Oh really?" she asked. "Because from where I stand we've already established that _you_ are in love with _me_. Why else would you ditch your friends, _and_ your dumb task, just to spend time with me?"

She was absolutely right, though I hadn't sorted it out into in those simple of words in my head just yet. I hadn't realized how obvious it was. She put it so bluntly, and I was at a loss on how to answer her.

I stood up at once. I had almost forgotten the horrendous threat I had received just the other day, telling me I had better act soon of my life was done for. Panic swept over me like a wave. I ran my suddenly shaking hands through my blonde hair, knowing that my judgment was rapidly approaching, and I was nowhere near prepared.

"You're going to die with them, aren't you?" she said, that look of pity swelling into her eyes again. I hated that.

"Yes," I replied into my hands. I couldn't believe I was admitting defeat to her, or even to myself. It was so unlike me. But, I spoke truth, and we both knew it.

Cho slowly walked out of the water and then sat down beside me without a word.

"I wouldn't like it if you died, Malfoy." It was the first time I could remember her calling me by my last name. "You're good in heart, no matter how you will deny it. But I wouldn't wish others to die in your stead either. So, you see, I'm in a bit of a head crisis here."

"Why?" I replied angrily, furious that she pitied me so much. It was the worst feeling in the world, her pity. "Why don't you just say what you're thinking? 'Better me than anyone else', right?"

"Draco," she said, casting her eyes downward. "I'm trying to tell you I'm beginning to think differently."

I whipped my head up so fast it was a wonder I didn't break my neck.

"What are you saying?"

"I saw something yesterday," she explained, turning her head away. "When you kissed me. I could swear it was… _like_, or even _love_."

I snickered my disbelief, more out of habit than anything else.

"Just lie to me, Draco," she commanded boldly. She looked ready to cry again, the stupid blubbering git. "Just tell me it was love and I'll help you with your spells."

"You'd _do_ that?"

"Yes," she said breathlessly.

That threw me for a loop. All her beliefs, out the window, just like that. For _me_. No one, not _anyone_ had ever cared for me like that before. I was so stunned I couldn't speak. She made me a little nervous with this talk.

"Just _lie_, Draco!" she begged. "Lie so you make me believe that this is worth doing! Please!"

When I still gave no answer, she yelled in frustration and grabbed her shoes to leave. I grabbed at the end of the robe she cradled in her arms and looked at her straight.

"I'm in love with you. And I need your help."

Only that was _no_ lie.

-

I found quickly, having a secret lover was good. Being in actual secret _love_ was even better. Hopefully she couldn't sense that I hadn't been lying to her when I told her the big 'L' word the other day. She showed no outward signs of emotion, which bothered me, mostly because that was _my_ trick, not hers. I finally saw firsthand how completely annoying it actually was.

Many an hour was spent with her in the Room of Requirement. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of Potter recently either, and with no one tailing me it made my plans much easier.

"If you raise your wand a little higher on this one," she said, moving my arm to the proper place. "You will get a more effective cast."

"Of course," I said, as I saw the better results of her suggestions.

My eyes fell to that damn cabinet that refused to be fixed. Cho's eyes found mine.

"I'm not going to help you bring about the end of Hogwarts," she argued before I even asked. "I'm helping you protect _yourself_, that's ALL."

She was so cute when she was firm with me.

I dropped my wand and attacked her face with mine. I grabbed her cheeks with my hands, and thoroughly devoured her lips. She dropped her own wand to grasp my hair. We were so fervent she stumbled back into the nearest wall. Her eyes were closed, which meant she was enjoying it to the fullest.

"I won't let anything happen to you," I breathed between kisses.

"That's not the point," she countered as she shifted to the other side of my face. "So much death…"

"Fix the cabinet… Then we can be done with all this… we can leave…"

"I can't, Draco… I _won't_…"

I shoved her away in the next second.

"Then why are you here?!" I yelled, storming over to where I had left my wand on the floor and thrusting it back into my cloak.

"So you can fight for your life!"

"Fight against You-Know-Who himself? Oh, _brilliant_ plan…"

She looked to the floor as if just realizing how stupid her strategy sounded out loud.

"There is only one way for me to live, Chang," I told her. "And that's to fix that cabinet. Now is the time for you to choose. What can they give you? Your family's noble death and Potter living for the glory. Dumbledore is going to die whether I'm the one to kill him or not. But you have the power to save me. Join us… I want to save you from the inevitable…"

Cho grabbed her own wand off the floor, her hand shaking with nervousness. I nodded once more in encouragement. _That's it… just do it…_ I thought to myself. She sighed deeply, and spoke:

"I can't save you, Malfoy," she said, waving a spell to the cabinet and fixing it immediately. "Because you won't save your_self_. It's not my choice, Draco, it's always been yours. You can choose not to use it. You can follow me. I can help you more than cabinets and spells, Draco."

I looked to the repaired cabinet. Just like that, it was fixed. My task was attainable, my family saved. It was a monumentous relief. Yet my world was still not in harmony.

"No, you can't," I insisted behind narrowed eyes. I tried to direct my anger at her, but I was only angry at the injustice of it all. She didn't understand. Nobody understood.

She grabbed her things and prepared to go.

"I'm sorry," she whispered over her shoulder. "Then I don't want to see you again. Ever."

I said nothing. I could only watch her go. I understood completely. We had reached the point where we could not hold on to one another any longer. I had my side, and she had hers. We both were firmly grounded in those opposing sides. We could not drown our beliefs even for the greatest love either of us had ever known.

Her discovery of my darkest secret was not my most horrible blunder. It was not a regrettable error at all. But not following her that day… _that_ was my one mistake.

-

"I can help you, Draco."

The old man's words pierced through me… Only because they had been hers.

"No, you can't," I insisted once more. "Nobody can. He told me to do it or he'll kill me. I've got no choice."

He said convincing words, his methods of persuasion deep. It sounded so wonderful… too good to be true. I wanted to be the good guy for once. The good guy for the perfect girl…

"Come over to the right side, Draco... you are not a killer..."

Not until I got acknowledgment. All I wanted was his respect. I wanted SOMEone's respect, for once.

"But I got this far, didn't I?" I said slowly. "They thought I'd die in the attempt, but I'm here... and you're in my power... I'm the one with the wand... You're at my mercy..."

"No, Draco," Dumbledore said quietly. "It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now."

He was right. I could do it, I realized. I could do it for her. His way sounded so easy, so good. My mind fluttered with the possibilities, imaginings of Cho and I, and my parents proud and free… no more of this dark madness. No more Dark Lord's breathing down our backs, making us witness atrocious death and suffering, making us bring it about ourselves. Wasn't that blasted old coot the only person He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named feared, after all?

Cho's smiling face turned to me in my imaginings, her hand outstretched to me. It wasn't too late.

I could do it. I could do it for her.

So, with all the will I had left in me, I began to lower my shaking wand…

-

**END**

-

**Please review.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


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